


Driving School

by Morpheus626



Category: Saints Row
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:42:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25043335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morpheus626/pseuds/Morpheus626
Summary: If memory serves, this is the first Saints Row fic I ever wrote; I didn't even have my Boss named at the time. As such, The Boss is just...the Boss in this one. Gender neutral, no name lol. And getting a driving "lesson" or something like it, from Johnny. Set during SR4.
Kudos: 4





	Driving School

“Could you take the corner like you want the car on all four wheels?” Johnny asked as they screeched around another corner, their car (a small green Halberd) tipping ever so slightly onto two wheels. 

“That’s what I’m doing!” The Boss yelled as they struggled to keep the car in the right lane. 

“Really? You coulda fuckin’ fooled me.” Johnny said as he pressed a hand to the car’s console to brace himself as they slammed into another police car.

The Boss sighed. “Shit, sorry. I really didn’t try and hit that one, I fucking swear." 

"Don’t worry about it, I don’t give a fuck. We’ll kill some assholes, then get back to the lesson.” Johnny pulled an SMG from the backseat and leaned out the window to start firing when Kinzie’s audio connection crackled to life.

“Um, excuse me? What the hell are you two doing?!" 

"I’m learning how to drive!” The Boss proclaimed proudly.

“Johnny! What the fuck is happening?” Kinzie shouted. 

Johnny rolled his eyes. “The Boss just told you. I’m teaching ‘em how to drive." 

Kinzie sighed heavily over the connection. "This is the third shoot-out in two hours–are you actually learning anything Boss?”

“That’s actually a really low number for us Kinzie, and yes, I am.” The Boss said as they took another sharp turn (taking out several pedestrians in the process) and leaned out the window, pistol in hand. 

“Are your hands on the wheel?” Johnny asked as he ducked his head back in. 

“Kinda.” The Boss admitted, their one hand in a death-grip on the wheel as they tried to shoot and drive at the same time.

“Shit, get both hands on the wheel at least.” Johnny sighed.

“How the fuck am I going to shoot anything then?” The Boss asked.

“You aren’t! Let Johnny do that; you just focus on not driving off a cliff, like right now!” Kinzie screeched. 

The Boss yanked the wheel hard to the left and just barely got them back to the road and away from the cliff. “Sorry." 

"Don’t worry about it. You’re doing your best, so no worse than usual. Most people don’t learn how to fucking drive like this so maybe some people could get off our goddamned backs about it?” Johnny said, irritation clear in his voice.

Kinzie sighed yet again. “Sorry, sorry. I’d just rather not see you totally destroy yourselves or the car, okay? I’m a backseat driver–but I’ll shut up now, okay? I can’t guarantee everyone else will–”

“You should have gone off the cliff, that would have been so fucking awesome!” Matt cried.

“Matt!” Shaundi and Kinzie yelled, their voices sharp over the connection.

“Well it would have!” Matt replied indignantly. “You’re doing fine Boss–I mean, we’re at over twenty pedestrians killed but you could be doing worse." 

"Thank you Matt!” The Boss smiled, at the comment and as the police and Zin finally dropped off and they were left on silent and seemingly normal roads again.

“Okay, so next time we take a turn that tight, what do we do?” Johnny asked as he settled back into the passenger seat, the spent SMG on his lap.

“Try and hit as far left in the turn, exit as far right as possible, brake at the last minute?” The Boss asked.

“Yeah. See you got this shit down, you just.. don’t pay attention to it, I guess.” Johnny sighed and took his sunglasses off to rub at his eyes. 

“Never had to before. I figured we were killing people anyway and I normally only took out street signs so…not that bad, right?” The Boss sounded a bit unsure.

“I don’t think so. I mean, yeah, it’d be a little bit easier getting around if you didn’t hit so many people and other random shit, but I’m not gonna hold that against you. You drive just fine when we’re getting shot at, and that’s most of the time, so that’s most important.” Johnny said. 

The Boss was silent, eyes straight to the road and both hands on the wheel positioned perfectly–but they didn’t look very happy. 

“Shit, don’t be upset. We all suck ass at driving in here anyway.” Johnny said as he looked out the window at the occasionally glitching landscape. 

“I guess. I mean, I know I really suck, but I didn’t think it bugged anyone that much.” The Boss mumbled.

“It doesn’t–I mean, we could all live with your driving as it is. Kinzie and the rest of the crew just want you to be safe, and maybe not terrify everyone who gets in a car with you.” Johnny said.

“Yeah, that makes sense. I’m pretty sure Matt pissed himself the first time he drove with me.” The Boss laughed. 

“Couldn’t fucking blame him if he did. Did you drive like shit then to fuck with him, or was that just a coincidence?” Johnny smiled.

“He’s listening, I can’t say! All the terror and mystery of that memory goes away then.” The Boss grinned as the audio connection crackled back to life.

“I did not piss myself, thank you very much! The Boss doesn’t drive _that_ horribly.” Matt said.

“Whatever you say Matt, whatever you say.” The Boss laughed again as the connection went silent.

“Look, I think you got most of this shit down–just try and remember some of it every now and again, okay? Now let’s go murder some shit and have some fun.” Johnny said. 

The Boss only smiled in reply as they turned down a residential road towards a huge group of Zin, taking out only two pedestrians as they went.


End file.
